Secrets
by Demonic Barbie Doll
Summary: Brass and Grissom knows about her secret, and now Sara's parnoid that others will find out to. NS
1. Default Chapter

Secrets 

By Lil'River

Part 1

Disclaimer:: I don't own anything.

Brass knows my secret now, well I think that he's starting to.  I cannot hide behind my cough drops any more, damn him.  I come back to my home of nothing, a place that I don't even want to be.  My dungeon.  A home filled with empty cans of beer, filled with my sorrows, which know one seems to notice.  No one to greet me from a hard day at work, no one to cry with.

I slowly undress as I walk towards my room to put some other clothes on.  I dress in a pair of gym shorts and a wife beater before I have my date with Jack Daniels.  I sit on my couch with Jack and my blanket wrapped around me.  I was just drifting to sleep when my cell phone rang.  I reached for the fallen phone on the floor.

"Sidle."  I answer into the phone.

"Hey Sar, it's Nick."  Said the male Texan.

"Hey Nicky, what do you want?"  I asked him.

"I was wondering if after shift tomorrow do you want to go to the gym with me?"

"Doesn't Warrick usually go with you?"

"Yes, but he's going to visit his grandmother, so do you want to go?"

I smiled into the phone, "Sure Nicky, do you think that you could drive?  Pick me up before shift?"

"That's fine, see you then."

I hung up the phone then threw my phone across the room, hoping that it would land on something soft.  I finished my drink, and then grabbed another.   Eventually I fall to sleep on the couch with some more empty friends at my feet.


	2. Chapter 2

Secret's 

By Girly 

Chapter 2

A/N– Sorry it took so long to update I've been suffering from laziness.

Disclaimer:: I don't own anything

I stood in front of Sara's apartment for a good five minutes. I opened the door to the apartment and saw Sara sleeping on her couch with beer bottles covering the room. I reached for my cell phone and called Grissom.

"Grissom." He answered on the other end.

"Gris, it's Nick. I'm wondering if Sara and I could both take the night off. She's puking up some nasty stuff and needs someone to watch over her."

"That's fine Nick, just take care of her."

"I will Gris." I hung up my phone, then went more into the apartment closing the door behind me.

I kneeled in front of the sleeping brunette and watched her sleep. I gently picked her up and she instantly wrapped her arms around my neck. I smiled then brought her into her bedroom and laid her down. She needs her sleep, she needs something more then her life is giving her.

I went back into her living room and looked at the sad display. Bottles covering everything, ashtrays filled with burned out cigarettes. It use to not be like this, it was a very nice apartment once. Some thing happened these last couple of months, something that went unnoticed. I grabbed a garbage bag and started to fill it with empty bottles. It slowly started looking like an apartment. I picked up all of the cans and bottles, threw out the trash, cleaned out her ashtrays. It looked at some point she gave up using ashtrays though. I threw out all of the food in her fridge, it was all over dated.

The room became bright and full of life once more. I checked back in on Sara, she was still sleeping. I kissed her for head then picked up her bedroom. Clean clothes VS dirty clothes, all smell like cigarettes, so why not wash them all. I got most of the grime off of the windows in her room and dusted the tops of her dresser and night stand. I shut the drawers to her dresser and couldn't help but notice the collection of thongs, most of them being black.

She started to stir in her sleep, I went over to her side. Her eyes opened then she spoke, "Nick what the hell are you doing here?!"

"You told me to pick you up, but you were sleeping. So I asked Grissom for the night off."

"Nick, you are not suppose to be here. I can't believe you." She practically screamed at me.

"Sar I came because I care about you and I love you. I came because you asked me to pick ypou up, but there's a lot more that needs to be fixed sweetheart." I kissed the top of her head.

"Well." She stopped short and looked around her bedroom. "Did you clean my room?"

"Yeah. Most of your apartment too. I figured it could use some cleaning."

"You didn't have to, and I'm not at all thrilled about you being here," She wrapped her arms around herself and looked as if she was about to cry.

I sat on the bed and put her onto my lap. I held her and rocked soothingly back and forth, She molded her body into mine. "Why don't you go take a shower while I go down to the store and grab some food. Then we'll have a nice long talk ok?" I felt her nod her head.

"You'll definitely come back right?" She answered in a small very un-Sara-ish like.

"Yes of coarse I'm coming back, I just told you that I would." I smiled. 

"Ok." She answered back.

Sara stood up and I with her. I kissed her for head, "I'll be back." I walked out of the apartment and sped off towards the nearest grocery store.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
  
Nick came into my apartment, uninvited into my apartment then cleaned it all for no reason. It's just so weird. I walked out into my living room, the sunlight pouring into the room. Everything picked up and put into its proper place. There was even a basket with my dirty clothes in it. I grabbed my cigarettes, lit one then walked into my bathroom. I carefully removed my clothes and finished my cigarette before going into the shower. The hot drops of water sizzled on my skin.  
  
I just have to keep smiling and act as if everything is all right. That's all they need to see, as long as I'm smiling they will leave me alone, because they will think that I'm happy.   
  
I finish my shower then dressed a pair of jeans and a black wife beater. I lit another cigarette laid down on the couch with my ash tray on the floor. My wet hair spread out on the couch.  
  
Nick came into the apartment with two bags in hand. He put the bags down near the door then knelt in front of me. "What are you doing?" Nick asks me sweetly taking my cigarette from me.  
  
"Waiting for you to come back." I answered him.  
  
"Come on, I'll make you some food." I smiled at him and got my cigarette back. I helped him carry the bags into the kitchen. I put the groceries away then sat cross legged on the counter. Nick stood over my stove and made two cheese omletts's. He handed me a plate with a glass of orange juice. He stood next to me leaning against the counter. We ate in silence. I only had a little over half of my omlette before i stopped. "Is that all your having?"  
  
I nodded yes, "It was good I just wasn't that hungry."  
  
Nick smiled, "It's ok." He took my plate and his putting them into the sink. I followed him over to my couch and I laid my head on him. "Sar tell me what's wrong? Sweetie you don't look like you use to."  
  
"Nothings wrong with me. I'm fine actually." I pulled a fake smile.  
  
"Your lieing to me. I found you here with your apartment a mess, beer bottles everywhere,. Everything was dark and gloomy, almost like the inside of a bar," He started stroking my hair. My breathing started to hitch, "I'm so scared for you sweetie, so scared."  
  
I wrapped my arms around him, needing to feel his skin on mine. "It's going to end all for nothing, just like it started. I'm sorry if i hurt you Nicky, I'm sorry if i hurt anyone, I just want it to all stop."  
  
"What do you want to stop?" I buried my face in his shirt and said nothing. My eyes were burning to spill there tears. "Sweetie." That was all it took. Nick lifted my head. I quickly hid my face from him.  
  
"No please, Nick don't look at me."  
  
He kissed my head, "I love you so much, it doesn't matter what you look like. Your beautiful no matter what."  
  
"Your going to know that I have emotion, ugly emotions." I whispered to him.  
  
"Everyone does, everyone has emotions. No one can make them go away either."  
  
"No one has noticed me before. Why should anyone notice me now?"  
  
Nick lifted me up onto his lap, forcing me to look at him, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I didn't notice how much pain that you are in. I'm sorry."  
  
"It's not just you Nick, don't feel as if is just you."  
  
Nick caught me off guard and kissed me. I wrapped my arms around him and felt his hands running down my back. He pulled apart from me, and i slightly whimpered. "Let me help you ok?" Nick said to me.  
  
I nodded yes then went in for another kiss. 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
  
She went for a day without a drink, then two weeks then two more weeks. And now she's hurting, hurting real bad. I kissed the top of her head and held her close.  
  
"Was today a good day for you?" I asked her.  
  
"So far but we still have to go in for shift."  
  
"Think that you can do it?" I nudged her.  
  
"I know I can."  
  
"That's my girl." I kissed her softly and felt her smile.  
  
"I love kissing you." Sara explained tracing her fingers over my face.  
  
"I love you." She smiled once more then kissed me once more.  
  
The End  
  
A/N eh it's short and kind of a fluffy ending that's ok though. :-D  
  
Girly 


	5. Chapter 5

A/N yes I know it's been a LONG time sorry

Chapter 5

Sara cuddled up in my arms and sniffled away her tears. She told me all about how she was raped in college by her roommates brother, multiple times. Even though that happened years and years ago it's amazing on how she can remember every detail of that day. She said that lately she's been having nightmares of him coming after her, ever since she saw him in a grocery store. He got married and had two kids, with the looks of it another on that way. When she saw him there he just smiled at her and went off with his family. But his face has been haunting her ever since.

I told her that I'd get her clean no matter what it takes, but she has to be willing to want to do it too. Sara just smiled for that first time that night and nodded. Now she's laying against me with her head in a dream world, and when she wakes up I'll still be here.

Forever


End file.
